Stress that I don't need

I've been fairly quiet on socials for the past few days to a week, as I was down the rabbit hole practicing for a job interview.

Turned out I didn't get it, but I am the only reserve candidate, so if the successful candidate turns it down, or moves on in the next 12 months, I'll automatically get the post (as unlikely as that is).

It would've been only a minor promotion, but a different role that I would've probably enjoyed. The last guy to get it moved on in 9 months, so we'll see...

But that's all the stress done with now. I hate interviews, they stress me the hell out.

The irony is, the day after the interview, I had to attend "mandatory" training on how to conduct interviews as both a panel member and chairperson 😂

The change I'm making

As an upshot of this most recent experience, I think I've more or less come to the decision that from here on in I will no longer be applying for any more promotions or other jobs.

I've recently turned 51, and the incredible amount of physical and mental stress that the entire interview process puts on me is insufferable. It takes me days to come down from the ledge of anxiety and physical symptoms.

Let me be clear, this incredible pressure is coming entirely from me, one that I put upon myself, in my head, and comes from no external source. Albeit involuntarily, but it's incredibly overwhelming nonetheless.

The Interview Structure

In my workplace our job interviews are essentially exercises in testing memory. The job application gives candidates a list of eight competencies that may be tested at interview, and you must come up with a workable example of work that you've done that relates to that competency. Questions can also be scenario-based, and ask what you would do in a given situation.

Most interviews tend to heavily favour the former rather than the latter.

The problem...

Now, as someone with seriously impacted working memory, courtesy of my ADHD and to a lesser degree my Autism, having to remember eight different examples that may or may not be tested in the interview is stressful by itself.

Remembering the example then being able to structure my response to ensure I get the "story" in the right order, and I include everything in the panel's "model answer" (that candidates have no clue about btw) in order to score maximum marks.

My neurotype is antithetical to success at this type of exercise.

Autism and ADHD are legally considered disabilities for good reason.

And a disability that my workplace are not willing to make any reasonable adjustments for. At all. Trust me, I checked.

So, that's fun.

Then after the interview there's more stress, while you wait for the remaining interviews to be completed over the course of several days, then more waiting for the panel to make their decision, then more waiting to get that signed off and approved before you find out officially. And that can all take several more days, or maybe even weeks depending on volume of candidates or holidays etc.

The Interview itself

But I feel that our interview process as a whole is very out-dated, overly-regimented, and doesn't cater to the full variety of candidates' neurotypes and disabilities that may be applying.

Yes, my employer makes a huge show of being disability friendly, an employer that makes reasonable adjustments for most disabilities, but invisible ones? Ones that don't require a wheelchair, prosthetic limb or standard accessibility aids?

Nah, we don't believe you actually have that disability, so you're not getting any advantages...

At least that's how I'm made to feel, that my disability doesn't count, or isn't visible enough to justify reasonable adjustments. Or that any reasonable adjustment would be deemed unfair on other candidates and giving people like me an "advantage", despite the fact it would just be compensating for my disability.

sigh

And for that reason, I'm out.

I could cry discrimination and ageism and kick up a fuss, but I'm not that type of person. So no, I won't be doing that.

So not only is the entire interview process incredibly stressful and physically and cognitively negatively impactful, but the results, time and again, being passed over for kids who've been alive less time than I've been in the workplace getting experience? Eurgh.

I'll still do my current job, to the best of my abilities and give 100% until I retire in 9-14 years (haven't decided an exact timescale). But in terms of corporate ladder climbing? Of chasing promotions and putting myself through the wringer again and again? For seemingly no real reward?

No more.

I'm done.

Footnotes

1: Situation, Task, Actions, Result: Describe a Situation you encountered in the past that fits the question. Give the Task ahead of you. Describe your Actions in resolving the situation, then tell the panel the Result of your actions. ↩

2: There have been two advertisements for this post, one for two posts and a second for a single post. 3 people got jobs off the basis of the first advertisement, including one off the reserve list (on which I was 2nd), who left his post to start another job 3 months after the first reserve list ran out (another frustration), then based off of that the job was advertised a 2nd time, where again I came 2nd. ↩